ballet mechanique

[winddaughter]

Well, you know, a lot of things happen in life. Any regrets? Of course, if I said that I didn't have any, it would be a lie. I'm still very, very young. I want to go shopping and eat a lot more of the different yummy foods out there and listen to music and stuff, you know? Oh, yes, and of course, even a wonderful romance. If I could have that, it would really be the best. Really...the best. But the way I feel right now, "Oh, brother," is all I can say. Really. Oh brother.

Someone on my mind? I had someone. Yeah, past tense. I think about how I should have told him how I felt. I kind of hate myself a bit for that, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. The next time I’m born into this world, if that’s even possible, I’d like to be born as someone who’s more clever than I am now. Well, I really can’t do anything about it. I feel this self-hatred.

If, even after this battle, they tell me I can live on. I'll go and buy a small mirror somewhere and practice smiling. I'll practice over and over so that I can live without hurting anyone else. I'll let my hair sway into the wind, take a giant step onto the earth and go see him. I want to live, to say my thanks. I want to live, to give so many feelings to people. I want to live! I wish I didn't realize I had feelings like this! But I'm in so much pain! He's nowhere where I can see him! And, that's...and that's why!